Grief…We all grieve differently

We’ve had a lot of family members in the hospital and some that have not made it…

Sometimes I ask myself why I don’t grieve like others. I understand, we are all different and handle things differently, but sometimes I feel like I should be more sad than what I feel at the time, which makes me feel guilty. I’ve had uncles and an aunt pass away in these recent years and I didn’t cry. I chalked that up to me not being so close to them, but you would think I would when my children’s father passed away, but I didn’t, again. Grieving comes in all forms I know, but I didn’t experience any of them.

My children’s father passed away in 2020 and I didn’t shed a tear. I was a little sad for the kids, but not really. I know a lot of people thought it was weird of me not to show any emotions due to us ending our relationship a year prior, but I couldn’t force it. It didn’t mean I didn’t have love for him, I don’t know, I just couldn’t bring tears to my eyes or feel sad. Is it sad to say that I was relieved, and not in a bad way either.

I feel like a lot of things come into play in my situation especially. My children’s father had an alcohol addiction that led to his death and I tried numerous times to get him to stop, but he couldn’t…or wouldn’t. The addiction tore us apart and mentally, I was drained. I also hated to see what he was doing to himself, his children, and ME; emotionally drained to death.

With that being said, when he passed away I didn’t cry, I was happy for him. He was no longer in pain and suffering from his addiction and pain. He was a good person, just not for me and that’s okay.

Peace and Love…

LDT